The year is coming to an end in 4 days, I figured a post reflecting on nostalgic moments that have occurred throughout the year is accounted for.
2011 was a compelled roller coaster ride that consisted the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I suppose, the good memories outlawed the bad ones; however, due my asinine thoughts I managed to create dilemmas that weren’t at all necessary. I apologize to those I made life difficult for.
That being said, I had noticed a prolonged defect in me. I had learnt to get my emotions triggered too easily and learnt to get attached too easily. I think one of my biggest faults I gained this year was not letting go, when I should have. I did my best to praise those who deceived me, when I should have shut them out from the beginning. I tried my hardest to please other people, I changed my whole persona to try to gain approval from those who didn’t even care about me. It’s sad, isn’t it? How a year that has given me fantastic memories, can be ruined with silly mishaps and mistakes.
I had disappointed myself this year, also I had disappointed those surrounding me. I don’t know what happened or I don’t know what changed, but my self-esteem shut down a lot this year more than I ever realised, it was a dangerous turnover for me and those around me. I hated my face, I hated my body, I hated my personality. I hated me.
So many good opportunities, ruined. I’m stuck with the same question in my head - What if?
Tonight, as I am reminiscing the outcomes this year, I noticed that I am selfish little bitch. An example of this matter would be the way I take advantage of my parents. They had invested a lot of money in me to achieve high at school; they had paid for tutor sessions and sporting activities, but I merely chose to continue on about my own social status. It is of no surprise that my grades have dropped sufficiently since this year; I admit to getting lucky a few times, but evidently, that luck will run out. I’m sorry that I do not acclaim the role of ‘the perfect daughter’ and I’m sorry that I will continue to disappoint, but know that I will try harder even if it doesn’t meet up to your expectations.
Everything said in the above makes it sound like a terrible year for me; reality is, the down pours during this year had made me stronger. I mean, sure, I had contemplated giving up various times, but I’m still here, aren’t I? This year, even though it was filled with
What I hope the most for 2012; I hope that I will learn from my mistakes and make myself a better person. I hope to be happier, I hope to be stronger, I hope for a bigger and better year. Bring it on! :D
